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King Arthur: Legend of the Sword Features Elephant Monsters and Lady Wizards,...
by Ned Lannamann Bleedin’’ell, anotha King Arthur movie? ’Ang on, lads, look who just swaggered in: Guy Ritchie! Jus’ the manly bloke we need to turn this Arthur cuck on ’is ear!And blimey, what a...
View ArticleI'm Such and Unique Individual and Patriot!
by Anonymous Scraggily beard? Check.Camo baseball cap? Check. Carhartt attire? Check.Big ol' truck spewing diesel smoke? Check.Right-wing bumper stickers? Check.NRA "Stand and Fight" decal?...
View ArticleHaiku from Seabiscuit
by Anonymous Clip clop clip clop, neighthe promise of oats call meI’m neighing, neighingpeanut butter stuck in mouthsweaty in the barn[ Comment on this story ][ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]
View ArticleA President Defined
by Anonymous Snowflake: A person being more prone to taking offense, or as being too emotionally vulnerable to cope with views that challenge their own.Triggered: When someone gets offended or gets...
View Article“Hey, I’m President. Can You Believe It?"
by Anonymous Trump wanted another reality show, and he got another reality show. If I put aside the real-life disastrous consequences someone with his absolute lack of comprehension can cause, this...
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Moms Get High, Too
by Josh Jardine PLANTS BY IDEEONE / TYPOGRAPHY BY CHEKAT / GETTY IMAGESIt’s Mother’s Day! For many of you, the only connection between cannabis and this particular holiday will be recalling the...
View ArticleYou're Just Not Funny
by Anonymous Regarding people who try to write satire but lack any sort of ability in that arena and thus fail dramatically and publically each week: Just stop.[ Comment on this story ][ Subscribe to...
View Article"Cover of Rolling Stone"
by Anonymous "Cover of Rolling Stone"I see you have some Iconic photo of somebody,But then there's a headline for some story about U2 across their forehead.I swear to Godif my face ever has 'bono' on...
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Thorns vs FC Kansas City—NOBODY WINS
by Erin O'Regan Two big stops and another clean sheet for Thorn's goalie Adrianna Franch. Photo courtesy Portland Thorns FCThe Portland Thorns and FC Kansas City played 90 plus scoreless minutes to...
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Things to Do This Week: May 15-18
by Mercury Staff Not every week gives you a chance to explore the mysteries of outer space while gorging yourself on corn dogs, but that's what happens when the UFO Fest lands in McMinnville. If you...
View ArticleGood Morning, News: GOP Wants Trump Tapes, Supremes Refuse to Hear Voter...
by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I know you want it, the thing that makes me, what the guys go crazy for. They lose their minds, the way I wind, I think its time. LET'S GO TO...
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Timbers Held At Home By Atlanta United
by Abe Asher Craig Mitchelldyer/Portland TimbersThe occasion promised much. The Portland Timbers, back at home after two weeks away, squaring up for the first time to MLS' newest club — high-flying...
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You are Voting Tomorrow (May 16), Right? Here's Some Help with That.
by Mercury Staff TEDDER / CC 3.0It's not your fault if you have a panic attack anytime you get near a ballot these days.Last November, despite the valiant efforts of Portland and other cities around...
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"Make Your Wallet Great Again": A Portland Landlord Is Telling Tenants He'll...
by Dirk VanderHart A Northwest Portland home owned by Roseco Property Management. Google Street ViewA local property manager is taking a strange tack in telling his Northwest Portland tenants to vote...
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Sure, You Could Watch Buster's Mal Heart, Starring Mr. Robot's Rami Malek. Or...
by Ned Lannamann Buster’s heart is fine. It’s his brain that’s giving him problems. Breaking into empty vacation homes in rural Montana and pooping in people’s cookware, Buster (Rami Malek) is evading...
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The Shivas' New EP Focuses on Sultry, Down-Tempo Tracks
by Cameron Crowell In a city with as many psych bands as there are microbreweries, you’d be hard-pressed to find a group with as extensive and consistent a discography as the Shivas. Behind five...
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While the President Rails Against "Fake News," Manipulative Aides Slip Him...
by Eli Sanders "I just read this thing someone printed off the Internet and put on my desk. Very upsetting. We gotta do something."Getty ImagesFresh dismay, courtesy of today's Politico report on how...
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Mystery Science Theater 3000's Live Show Is Coming to Portland
by Ned Lannamann Attention, fans of bad movies and wisecracks: Mystery Science Theater 3000 has just announced its first-ever live tour, and one of the stops is here in Portland. MST3K's "Watch Out...
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In Defense of Avocado Toast
by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey Today in "What's Twitter mad about this time":Millionaire to millennials: Stop buying avocado toast if you want to buy a home https://t.co/JVpbiLrvv5— TIME (@TIME) May 15,...
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Washington Post: President Trump Gave "Highly Classified" Intelligence to...
by Eli Sanders "What? I wasn't supposed to tell them that? Oops."Chip Somodevilla / Getty ImagesWashington Post:President Trump revealed highly classified information to the Russian foreign minister...
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