by Ned Lannamann
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Bleedin’’ell, anotha King Arthur movie? ’Ang on, lads, look who just swaggered in: Guy Ritchie! Jus’ the manly bloke we need to turn this Arthur cuck on ’is ear!
And blimey, what a mess he’s made of it. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword is supposedly the first of six King Arthur movies Ritchie plans to make (let’s reassess that once the box office receipts come in), but it already feels 12 hours long—stuffed with montages, flashbacks, flash-forwards, jump cuts, embarrassingly outdated Matrix fight scenes, and nary a whiff of emotion or suspense. For a movie that contains elephant monsters, bloodthirsty lamia, and a crew of scallywags with fun names like Wet Stick and Back Lack, this is quite an achievement.
