by The Moon, as transcribed by Eric D. Snider
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RYAN F. JOHNSON
Ugh. You know I don’t like the limelight. I show up in the evening, provide just a bit of illumination—not too much! People are sleeping!—and then I hide all day. I’m not a grandstander, and I’m self-conscious about my size. About once a month, I see how big I’ve gotten and think, “Yikes, I can’t let people see me like this!” Then I disappear entirely for a couple of nights before peeking back out as a thin sliver, hoping no one notices.
Only this time? This time, when I’m feeling my absolute fattest, when I just want to be invisible while I practice some self-care? That’s when that attention-whoring bastard the Sun does his “hilarious” prank where he gets directly behind me and makes it look like I’m bigger than he is.