GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Hip to hip, lip to lip, and then lock it. Big fat feet means big fat pockets. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
The Timbers lose an ugly game to the Montreal Impact, check out our Abe Asher's recap of the match here.
President Trump has arrived in Israel as part of his world tour to meet with foreign dignitaries, and hopes to close the biggest deal of all: peace between the Israelis and Palestinians. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Not so Ha. Ha.: Trump's new budget plans to slash Medicaid, and would give states the ability to cut anti-poverty programs.
Trump laid his hands upon a glowing Saudi orb—and Twitter had fun with that.
Trump's son-in-law and top adviser Jared "JARED!" Kushner says there's no ethical problem with him keeping nearly 90 percent of his real estate holdings while working for the government.
It's expected that former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn will plead the fifth when asked about his ties to Russia while serving under Trump.
Billy Bush on the Trump "Access Hollywood" tape: "I wish I had changed the topic."https://t.co/zrqzUR2qXzpic.twitter.com/T85W4HSxSt
— CNN (@CNN) May 22, 2017
Bill Cosby's trial for sexual abuse starts today and the jury is being selected.
First Richard Spencer was sucker punched for being a white nationalist, and now his gym membership has been terminated! HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO DEFEND HIMSELF FROM NAZI PUNCHERS??
In more schadenfreude: A big game hunter was crushed to death when an elephant he shot fell on him.
Now let's check out the WEATHER: Put on yer thongs because the temp is expected to hit 92 degrees today!
And finally, Dwayne Johnson and SNL presents the greatest erectile dysfunction commercial you will ever see. (Sure there's not a lot of competition, but this is really good.)