Eclipse Events Calendar!
The only actually useful thing in the Mercury’s Eclipse Issue. by Mercury Staff Solar Eclipse Tap Takeover Ecliptic Brewing hosts a pre-game for the upcoming solar eclipse, giving you the chance to...
View ArticleFact: The Laws of God and Man Are Suspended During an Eclipse.
Plan accordingly. by Ben Coleman Now, I’m not a big-city lawyer, or indeed, any kind of lawyer at all, or even the resident of a big city. But there’s nothing in any law book that says I can’t offer...
View ArticleOkay, Fuck This Eclipse
Editorial opinion by a rooster. by A Rooster Good morning! Or, should I say, cock-a-doodle-dooooooo! I hope you’re feeling bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and ready to face the day, because the Sun has...
View ArticleEclipse Your Doubts with Totality Horoscopes!
Why not? Everything is made up anyway. by Megan Burbank EDITOR'S NOTE: Megan Burbank is NOT an astrologer, but she IS an Aries.According to astrologer Susan Miller, eclipses “are dramatic 'wild cards’...
View ArticleIf My Conscious Is the Sun, and My Subconscious Is the Moon, Then This...
Hell, I’m no philosopher. by Randal Kickins Maybe it’s all these Bud Lights I’ve been drinking, but this eclipse has my head spinning like a bald tire in a mud ditch. What if Lisa hates me? I love my...
View ArticleFlat Earth, Eclipsed
The eclipse, as “explained” by flat-Earthers. by Kathleen Marie For a moment, forget the fact that Earth is a sphere. Forget that the orbit of Earth, along with the orbit of the Sun and Moon, are what...
View ArticleI Am Mortified by the Attention and Apologize for the Disruption
This is just the worst. by The Moon, as transcribed by Eric D. Snider Ugh. You know I don’t like the limelight. I show up in the evening, provide just a bit of illumination—not too much! People are...
View ArticleStart Jerking Around at Jamaican Jerk
A Northeast food cart serves up fresh, distinctive, authentic Jamaican plates. by MJ Skegg On one hand, it’s ballsy to locate a food cart opposite a phalanx of established eateries—Hat Yai, Handsome...
View ArticleSupport Black-Owned Restaurants this Week
...and every week! by Andrea Damewood Somehow, iloveblackfood.com was still available when William “Dub” Travis III went looking for domain names to create a digital home base for Support Black-Owned...
View ArticleThings to Do Wednesday!
10 things to do for August 16 by Mercury Staff Shabazz Palaces, Porter Ray When he's not performing with his legendary jazz rap outfit Digable Planets, pioneering emcee and producer Ishmael...
View ArticleGood Morning, News: Our President, the White Supremacist Sympathizer
by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! When the war has took its part, when the world has dealt its cards. If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart. LET'S GO TO PRESS.Let's start...
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Former Police Chief Larry O'Dea Lied to City Investigators Multiple Times,...
by Dirk VanderHart Former Chief Larry O'Dea—apparently liked lying to investigatorsAshley AndersonWhile employed as the city's police chief, Larry O'Dea lied to city investigators looking into his...
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Cutest Pet Photo Contest: Sora vs. Bart and Django vs. Darla
by Mercury Staff We received a huge volume of cute entries in our Cutest Pet Photo contest, and a select sweet 16 made the final cut. To be clear: Every pet that entered is a winner in our eyes, but...
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Win Weekend Passes to MusicfestNW Presents: Project Pabst!
by Ciara Dolan It's almost time for MusicfestNW Presents: Project Pabst, our city's best PBR-fueled music festival! This year's lineup is as stacked as they come: the one and only Iggy Pop headlines...
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Cheating Will Not Be Tolerated in the Mercury's Cutest Pet Photo Contest
by Mercury Staff Louie has been disqualified after receiving a suspicious number of votes from the same IP address.It has come to the Mercury's attention that someone has been stuffing the ballot box...
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Umii Gives Life with Debut EP This Time
by Jenni Moore UmiiKent MoriUmii, the new project of R&B singer Reva DeVito and Los Angeles-based producer B. Bravo (AKA Adam Mori), just released their debut EP, This Time, and it’s already...
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The PBOT Employee Who Installed a "Swoosh" in Front of Under Armour HQ Has...
by Dirk VanderHart Actually pretty good craftsmanship.A retired Portland Bureau of Transportation employee who used his last day of work to troll athletic apparel giant Under Armour has paid up for...
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Savage Love Letter of the Day: Tiki Torches Aren't Just For Haters
by Dan Savage One of the better retorts to the white supremacists in Charlottesville would be to hold a march with rainbow Tiki Torches. That will put an end to Nazi nonsense. Don't mean to be...
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Reminder: Boeing CEO Stayed on Trump's Council While Others Jumped Ship
by Sydney Brownstone "God bless Boeing," Trump said in February. The company has cut more than 11,000 jobs in Washington State since 2013.Flightlevel80/GettyPresident Trump has abruptly disbanded his...
View ArticleKeep Calm and Let It Eclipse
by Anonymous Looking forward to the major event, but concerned about: roads becoming parking lots, guns and alcohol, burned out eyeballs, dogs and cats living together, zombie apocalypse, not enough...
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