ATTENTION PORTLANDERS from Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana, Nebraska, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming: We like you, we really do. But it’s time for you to go home. We were happy to have you, even when more of you arrived. When you bought homes in our neighborhoods, we appreciated the increase in our property values—even though now we can’t afford to buy a home in “Felony Flats.” Honestly, it was cool having you here—until we watched the states you came from vote for Trump. See, the people you left behind can’t benefit from your energy if you’re here. So go home. Raise consciousness. Vote for progressive local politicians who can make incremental changes in your communities. Do the right thing. Go home.—Anonymous
Attention Portlanders from Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana, Nebraska, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming.