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Savage Love: Sleep Sexing

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by Dan Savage

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JOE NEWTON

I’m a 31-year-old gay male. I've been with my fiancé for three years, and we are getting married in the fall. I've got a question about initiating sex in my sleep—I read somewhere that "sexsomnia" is the "medical" term, but maybe the internet invented that? According to my fiancé, I have initiated or performed some kind of sex act in the middle of the night and then gone right back to sleep. The next day, I don't remember anything. This freaks me out for a couple of reasons: My body doing things without my mind being in control is concerning enough, but it feels kinda rapey, since I doubt I'm capable of hearing "no" in this state. My fiancé doesn't feel that way; he finds it sexy. The other thing—and maybe I shouldn't have read so much Freud and Jung in college—is that I'm worried my body is acting out desires that my conscious mind doesn't want to acknowledge. According to my fiancé, the last time I did stuff in my sleep, I rimmed him and told him how much I wanted to fuck him. Rimming isn't a typical part of our sex life (although I'd like it to be), and my fiancé has never bottomed for anyone (I've topped guys in prior relationships, but in our relationship I've only bottomed). Is my body doing things that my mind won't admit it wants to do? Is there a way to prevent it from happening?

Sexsomniac Hoping Eventually Eager Trysts Stop

Sexsomnia is a real and sometimes troubling phenomenon, SHEETS, and not something the internet made up like Pizzagate or Sean Spicer.


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