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Hey, Southeast Portland! Here's the Locked, Unmanned Kombucha Facility You Didn't Ask For

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by Megan Burbank

Today, at my neighborhood bus stop, I witnessed something terrible. Here it is:

FUCK THIS SHIT.
FUCK THIS SHIT.MB

That's right! It's an unmanned Kombucha taproom you have to use your credit card to get into. It's like a locked ATM but without the warmth. Obviously, this is a microcosm of everything that people complain about w/r/t New Portland. Even more annoying, it's on a stretch of Belmont that could really have benefited from a more practical business.

I know because it's my neighborhood. I live there.

The closest commercial district is out at 34th and Belmont. I would give anything for a well-stocked corner store near my house. A hardware store would also do the trick, or really anything that could serve a practical or community-building function and fill some of the gaps on that stretch of Belmont, which boasts very few local businesses you'd have occasion to go to daily.

I'm firmly on #TeamWellStockedCornerStore, but I would gladly have settled for yet another fucking coffee shop with succulents and taxidermy over this monstrosity.

Think about it: LOCAL BUSINESS SHOULD FOSTER COMMUNITY. A locked facility that sells ONE luxury product will not do that. It adds nothing of value to the neighborhood, and in fact I think it takes away from it, because it's in a space that could be filled by a badly-needed business staffed by humans and open to all.

Also: if you want kombucha for some reason, YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN. Nextdoor is lousy with SCOBYs. This is basically a locked ATM. It's alienating by design. I'm fucking furious.

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