[Today on C-SPAN: The daily White House briefing. Standing in today for White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer is the Incredible Hulk.]
HULK: [To room of shouting reporters] Gahh! Why puny reporters screaming already? Shut up or HULK SMASH!! [Crowd quiets] Okay, Hulk start with puny reporter in first row.
JENNA JOHNSON,WASHINGTON POST: Umm... why are you here?
HULK: Really?? Puny reporter start with existential question? This job am already bullshit!!
JOHNSON: No, I mean... where’s Press Secretary Spicer?
HULK: Oh. OH! Heh-heh, Hulk get it now. Puny Spicer tell Trump him need “mental health day”—so Trump throw him in asylum and hire Hulk. Next puny question!
GLENN THRUSH,NEW YORK TIMES: About President Trump’s recent wiretapping claims—should we assume he’s currently under investigation?
HULK: You know what puny humans say: When puny humans “assume” it makes an “ass” out of “puny humans” and “Hulk!” Next question.
THRUSH: But... you didn’t answer that one!
HULK: PUNY THRUSH SIT DOWN OR HULK SMASHRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! [Thrush sits.] Next question.